#2573 - Legion of Skanks

“running around the house and whining. If you're trying to watch a movie, and there's a storm outside, you're fucked. When's the last time you've really enjoyed fireworks shows? I love fireworks. Still? Yeah, my birthday's the 4th of July, dude. You know what I really love? I'm like, all right. I love cell phone videos of fireworks. I love going over my old cell phone videos of fireworks.”

“Yeah. While his hand's blowing apart. Blast. And then it shows the aftermath. His hand's like done. Oh my God. I created this thing that I do the fireworks in, like it was part of our play-like structure. It's like a tube. So I put cinder blocks around it, and I put the boxes in, so I light it.”

“Like true funfire. Now I got the tube, dude. It just shoots straight up. So you do your own fireworks? I do my own. I buy like $800 worth of fireworks. Oh, you're an animal. Yeah. I love it. Do they have those things? You're never a problem. Where do you live? Long Island. In Long Island, do they have those places where it's like a little stand? No.”

“I mean, if I am. But if the only thing that's open is McDonald's, I'll say, I'll get a quarter pounder. Fuck it. Big Mac is weird. I had a quarter pounder once for the first time in years, like a couple of years ago. And I haven't had one since, but it was sweet. I was like, there's sugar in this bunch. The bread, yeah. Like, I taste sugar.”

“And then there's a rifle season afterwards, and then there's a late. Archery season. I think on Long Island, you can only kill the deer with a bow and arrow. Well, that's because you're in a fucking residential neighborhood.. Yeah, but bows and arrows, even then, you've got wahoos like our friend Bruce out there.”

“They do. Yeah, I think James Bond, one of those James Bonds. Yeah. That was a thing. I met a dude at the comedy store. It was this guy from Australia, and he got his hand and his leg bitten off by a shark. And so he had a carbon fiber leg and a carbon fiber hand. The guy walked around, no limp, and he could shake your hand.”

“They do. Yeah, I think James Bond, one of those James Bonds. Yeah. That was a thing. I met a dude at the comedy store. It was this guy from Australia, and he got his hand and his leg bitten off by a shark. And so he had a carbon fiber leg and a carbon fiber hand. The guy walked around, no limp, and he could shake your hand.”

“He's always doing something. He's always taking things. Like, I need this for that. I need this for that. Like, they just take a pill. Like, there's a lot of them. There's a book called Dead Doctors Don't Lie by Joel Wallach. Interesting book. But it's mostly about nutritional supplements and how really nutrition is the foundation of health, not going to the doctor.”

“There's no interest. Like a splurge for you would never be like a McDonald's one night. No, I'll have McDonald's. Yeah, I love those Filet-O-Fishes. Sometimes if I'm hammered, we're somewhere eating in some town and there's nothing open. Like after a show, there's nothing open. Like, let's go to the fucking McDonald's.”

“like thanks man you let me in it'll give like uh like something like a thumbs up and then it'll give the fucking bird hit the fling here using an led banner or scrolling message sign on a car is generally illegal while driving on public roads all right but you know what you can get you can get a um one of those loudspeakers because”

“If I'm going to get a burger, I'm going to get a good burger. Yeah, no, I agree. I mean, if I am. But if the only thing that's open is McDonald's, I'll say, I'll get a quarter pounder. Fuck it. Big Mac is weird. I had a quarter pounder once for the first time in years, like a couple of years ago. And I haven't had one since, but it was sweet.”

“It's good that they could do it. Yeah, it's kind of interesting. I don't even set up my Roomba. I'm afraid of all that stuff. It's like I don't use Alexa in my house or any of that shit where people are like, you have to have Alexa turn the lights on and stuff. Fuck Alexa. But it's weird.”

“Okay. Sildenafil limits cancer cells' ability to make use of cholesterol. Wow. An essential component of cellular membranes. Cholesterol is particularly important for cancer cells seeking to break away from the primary tumor and migrate throughout the body and invade distant organs.”

“I think if it penetrates through one of those arteries, I think you just start spraying. And if you don't have a tourniquet and you don't know how to apply it correctly, you're fucked. I was picturing more, like, the otter had disgusting viruses in its mouth or something and then she got, like, her leg, like, amputated or something.”

“Of course. For sure. Except there's a few dudes out there. Viagra may reduce cancer metastasis. Wow. Viagra was originally developed to treat high blood pressure and chest pain caused by reduced blood flow to the heart. But over the past three decades, it's become the world's best-known therapy for erectile dysfunction.”

“Burger King. The chicken sandwich, the rectangular chicken sandwich. I unapologetically will put the whopper against that stupid Spain burger you had. I love a whopper, dude. That's actually crazy. Oh, is it now? You don't really believe that. This is the thing. Sometimes, Jay, you say things, and I'm like, you don't actually believe that.”